This journal entry was written shortly after Randy received his stay of execution on October 4th, 2019…

October 6th, 2019

Geeze...how to even begin this journal entry? I've been in this euphoric fog since Friday afternoon when I received news of my stay. I've been having random bouts of emotional crying and thankfulness, and a relief from the building anxiety. I imagine it's much like going off to a major war, surviving, and coming back home...

Before I can write any more I want to send my prayers, as well as my regret and remorse, to Officer Hawkins' family. I cannot imagine what this roller coaster has done to them and I agree wholeheartedly with anyone who feels this process is cruel for both sides. I am in no way gloating or bragging—nothing like that. I know that I'm not a killer, but I also take responsibility for my choices in the escape and for being associated with the people I was with. I continue to ask for forgiveness and I hope (it's my biggest wish) for forgiveness one day. That will never change...Please forgive me.

Friday, October 4th, started with praying. The guard setting up recreation told me I was getting bumped up from 3rd to 2nd round, so I started my letter to Taffy and then headed to rec. There's a guy on death watch named Abel Ochoa, who I met back in 2002 in Dallas County when I was waiting for my trial. We were joking that everything had come full circle—we were both sentenced to death in 2003 within months of each other, and now we were both on Death Watch together. Abel had since become a devout Christian and always had a smile on his face. We talked about hope when another guy on the section said, “Y'all need to accept reality. I'm not delusional. I know what my fate is.”

Then I said, “I'm not delusional either, but I also know that anything can happen. What's wrong with having hope? You can put yourself in the grave, but don't put me in it...”

Granted, I have been extremely anxious and stressed, and it was growing. There's another guy here named 'Big White' who's on another section; he called me over to talk and he asked me what was going on with my appeals. I said, “I'm still waiting on the CCA. I'm not going to lie, Big White, I'm getting scared.”

He said, “Listen, I was one day from my execution...ONE day. It's not over 'til it's over.”

When my rec ended I went back to my cell when I was told I had a legal phone call at 2 PM. I got ready for that and then the guards came and got me a little before 1:40 PM. I took a deep breath and waited for the call in a legal booth. My mind was all over the place and I began to think about making a start on my 'goodbye letters' and writing my very last journal for my website. I didn't want to do any of that, but neither did I want to be in complete denial.  

I'll be honest...Whilst I've had plenty of 'good signs' that allowed me to think positively, I've also had some really 'bad signs'. Well, they're ridiculous 'bad signs,' but they did have a part of me thinking like, holy crap, my life is wrapping up... I used to joke that I always hoped to live to the ending of the comic book series The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman, because he'd tease that he planned on it lasting for decades. Well, in the summer he ended it. Then, recently, one of my favorite music programs on KPFT did a two hour Cure special...I was super excited but thought, oh man, this will be the last time I hear the Cure.

And finally, I wondered if I'd ever be able to listen to the Star Wars movies one last time, and then it was announced that TNT would be doing a movie marathon on Monday...I thought, oh man, the end is nigh...G-d is neatly wrapping my life up with a bow.

So, the legal phone calls take place in a legal booth out at visitation. There were some guys in the booths next to me and behind me, and I sat there quietly and nervously waiting for the phone to ring. When it rang, a female guard answered it and handed it to me and I heard my attorney's voice...

“Randy? How are you doing?”

“I'm nervous...Trying to stay hopeful.”

There was a brief pause and then, “Well, you got the stay!”

My brain went to fog... Was I hearing this correctly?

“What?? Huh? I got a stay? Seriously??" I could hear the sound of my heart beating excitedly.

“The CCA granted your Section 5!” In the background I heard the whole team in the office erupt into cheers and claps and my eyes welled up with tears...I began to shake. The first thing I needed to know was if they'd told my girlfriend...

“Yes,” they said. “Everyone knows now.” Then the phone went dead.

I went, “AGH!!” Then I started calling for the guard to let her know the line died. Another guy they call 'Teflon' was a few booths away and he said, “What happened?”  

I said, “Teflon! I got a stay!”  

Then he said, “Stop playing!”

“I'm serious! I just found out!”  

Teflon yelled out...

“Randy got a stay!”

And then I heard other inmates yelling it out and people cheering. One of my close friends back here, Clinton, was having a visit with his sister and he started fist pumping in the air... It was just amazing.

Then the guard came back down and said, “What's the deal?”

“I got a stay!” I yelled.

“You called me down here to tell me that?” she asked.  

“No... the phone went dead. I need to get back on the line to my attorneys.”

They dialed again and we got to talk for a few more minutes, then the line went dead again. AGH!

The guard told me they weren't going to call back again, so I sat there waiting to go back to my cell. As I was waiting, another attorney who used to work as an intern in the Austin office that represents me came running down to my booth. He picked up a phone and said, “Randy! Is it true?”

“Yeah, Tivon just told me!”

He put his hand on the glass, got teary eyed and said,  “Oh my G-d, that's great. Just great! Oh man, I'm so happy!”

I said,  “You guys have been amazing and thank you...Thank you so much for fighting so hard for me.”

I asked him to call the Office when he left and explain that the phone kept dying, and to let them know I am so grateful for everything. He said he would, and kept saying it was amazing I received a stay.  

My mind was all over the place as I sat there. I didn't know what to do... I can't explain the feeling...I wasn't sure if I was going to return to my cell to pack things up, but that was quickly answered when two guards came to take me back to 12 Building, and when I entered I was told I was moving to C-Pod, 26 cell. I said,  “My property is already there?”

“It's on the way!”

I walked to C-Pod and when I entered the guys there began cheering and saying, “Already?”

I was moved to just one cell away from my friend, Clinton, so that was cool. I finally had a view of the field where the horses used to be, but now there are cows there...Still cool to watch. I was also excited to be able to see a sunset again.  

As I waited for my property to arrive I talked to a few guys and then paced back and forth saying, “G-d is good! G-d is with me! G-d is merciful!”

I thought how amazing it was to have my prayers answered, to have Taffy, to have wonderful friends, and this amazing swell of unseen supporters. To have such wonderful attorneys. I have been promising that if I survived this mess I would be a force for good...I promised not to let anyone down and I will keep that promise.

I began to think...I get to have my friends, I get to have my girlfriend and enjoy our favorite season together with our little traditions like me listening to 'It's a Wonderful Life' on Christmas Eve, whilst she watches the DVD at the same time...I get to be the coolest 'uncle' to my little buddy and fellow Star Wars fan (okay, he's too young to be a fan right now, but he will be. I'll see to it haha) Sebastian. It was like I was reborn...A whole life ahead of me...G-d chose to show me mercy. Amazing...

My property arrived and they put it in my cell. I didn't know what to do. I just stared at it. I went back to talking to some guys and then Clinton came back from his visit and we talked. Then I watched a beautiful sunset for the first time in months...Just wonderful. I prayed for Shabbos and then finally relaxed a bit. My attorneys told me that my girlfriend would be calling into the Prison Show that night, and when I heard her voice it was the icing on the cake...I slept the sleep of angels that night.

The following day I tried to settle in and get ready for recreation, but they shut everything down due to staff shortages. I didn't care... I'm grateful to be alive.  

Saturday night I listened to Sound Awake when the DJ gave me a special little shout out and played a Cure Song I had requested. They are in fund drive right now and I'd like to ask people to go to KPFT.org and donate to his show... It has helped me to get through 16 years of this mess and his taste in music is wonderful.

Sunday is here now and everything is shut down again, due to staff shortages. This used to really get to me, but now I don't care... I'm alive.

There are soooooo many people I have to thank for the nonstop campaign to save me over the past few months. If I leave anyone out, please know I'm grateful in every way imaginable...

Firstly, my awesome team of attorneys who fought so hard and went above and beyond their duty. Thank you for taking the time to visit me each week, and keeping me up to date on everything...Thank you for keeping your promises, and for the wonderful conversations that were incredibly intellectually satisfying...Thank you for listening to my life story, and most importantly, for believing in me. I've always been at my best when people believe in me, so thank you! I will keep my promises to all of you and be a force for good and change. Your compassion and dedication hold no bounds.  

My friends...Thank you for believing in me. Ale, you have been a trooper and down in the trenches with my girlfriend, and y'all made an awesome crew. Plus, how many people get to say they were put in 'Twitter jail' just for posting the words of what a bigoted judge said about me? Wear it as a badge of honor.

Sylvia, Sabrina, Ellie, Susan, and the others who contributed in their own way. Thank you.

Tanya, thank you for being part of the trio of Twitter warriors with Ale and Taffy—I've heard it from so many people that y'all rocked.

Rabbi Gordon and Rabbi Goldstein...Thank you for visiting me, for believing in me, and for your countless prayers. The fact that you both were willing to be there in the end for me meant more than you could ever know. I haven't been the most practicing of Jews in the world, but through your guidance my faith has been awakened and my spirit renewed by G-d's mercy. Thank you. L'Shana Tovah.

For Taffy's friends and family...You have all been so wonderfully kind, supportive, and loving towards me. You accepted me as your friend and as part of your families...I'm so blessed. Y'all wrote the most beautiful clemency letters for me, and I thank every one of you. I also thank you for helping Catherine both physically and emotionally through this time...The pictures of Sebastian helped me to smile so much in the hardest of times...I thank you for your love and support...Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

And now Taffy...This is probably the craziest 6 months that we've ever had to face in our lives, but your strength in coping with the fight for me, dealing with a serious illness, and still working hard to keep your business going...You amaze me every day, and you need to rest. I may be a 'Tough Cookie' but you, my love, are one butt-kicking chick! :-) Thank you for loving me...Thank you for your friendship...Thank you for always being by my side...And most of all, thank you for always believing in me and for never giving up. We're still on this journey and with a full tank of gas, and I can't wait to spend the fall and winter season with you, sipping on cocoa with you and enjoying the holiday time together. I love you beyond anything I thought possible. Now we can start working on my 2nd memoir again :-) I can't wait to see Falling Down published, and to do good by donating ALL of the proceeds to charity :-)

And finally, to all of the unseen supporters who rushed to my aid in my time of need...I don't know any of you, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart. From the many organizations who filed briefs in support of my case, to the true activists and strangers who wrote to the governor asking for clemency, those who signed petitions, those who took the time to read about me and the real facts in my case, and worked to spread the word...I wish everyone on Death Row had the same amount of true and genuine support that I have had in all of this.

As much as some of the guys on Death Watch saddened me with their negativity, I do miss them and pray for them...I came to love every single person over there and I can only hope and pray that their lives are spared as well.  

Thank you to everyone...Thank you...Thank you...Thank you! The fight isn't completely over, but we've got a second wind!

Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith!

Never doubt. Always believe.  

Be the change you want to see in the world.

I love you, Taffy!!

PEACE!!